went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
