put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
