fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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