So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
