Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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