Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
