I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
