I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
