Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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