I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
