They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
