actually, I'm a sock model
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
