oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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