you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
