i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
