How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
