No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
