oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He kissed a someone with a penis
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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