my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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