eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
