you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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