Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
