i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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