k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
