I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
