I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
