It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
