no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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