Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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