I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
