There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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