Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
