I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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