New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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