My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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