Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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