No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
