strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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