Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize