First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
