I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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