Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize