dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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