i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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