my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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