i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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