just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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