seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize