I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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