Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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