I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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