you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.