I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!