We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...