college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.