i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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