Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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