I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.