I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
God, I missed his penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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