is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
