Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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