is your mom at the bar?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
