you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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