You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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