I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
