Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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